Haagen-Dazs: Round V

When presented with a choice of variously appealing foods - say okra and a New York Strip steak - I'll always eat the okra first. I find okra mildly disgusting (though I've got a very tough gag reflex), but I much prefer not ending a meal on a bad note. It's the "Eat-The-Sandwich-Bread-Crust First" Theory.

Why? Just to get the awful part out of the way and enjoy the balance. I'm confident this is a universal theory. I'm confident all my theories are universal - especially if Diahan doesn't share them. She's always the exception. Not me.

But there's the rub. Our Haagen-Dazs extravaganza has not followed the ubiquitous "Bread Crust" theory. In fact, we suspect the opposite has happened. Considering many of the flavors remaining, we fear we have left the worst for last.

The normal, run of the mill, gourmet yet blasé (hey, that rhymes) flavors remain - most of which are available in abundantly cheaper iterations: the fruits and the staples - i.e. the strawberries and the butter pecans of the ice cream world.

Hopefully we are wrong.

Only we will tell.

Vanilla Swiss Almond

Presentation: Vanilla ice cream with, at first glance, too few chocolate covered almonds. Don't worry, however. They're all at the bottom (wallowing in the self knowledge that they're gross).

Flavor Intensity: After a bit of research, we noted that the vanilla is the same used in the Haagen-Dazs chocolate covered bars. This research involved eating the chocolate bars, too. It is pure, unadulterated vanilla. Diahan loves it. She wants to marry it. I find it boring. The problem here is the chocolate covering the almonds. Gone is the rich, cocoa infused chocolates of yester-pint. The imposter is a chalky knock off reminiscent of semi-sweet baking chips. More like semi-bad. We spit them back out.

Texture: Vanilla is reliable, if not predictable. Chocolate is dry and chalky. Almonds are crisp and fresh.

Sweetness: The vanilla is the better for the milk and cream. Very mild and not too sweet.

Scraping the Bottom: 40 - 60%. We won't buy this again, even though we both love chocolate covered almonds.

Overall Rating of 1 - 5: Diahan. 2.5. Jared, 2

Amazon Valley Chocolate (Reserve Flavor)

Presentation: Dark, brown chocolate.

Flavor Intensity: Speaking of cocoa infusion (see above tongue lashing), never have we experienced - in frozen form - a chocolate so decadent. The label we kept coming back to was "truffle." If you like chocolate truffles, more precisely the innards of a chocolate truffle, then this is for you. Smooth cocoa. Rich, but not of the dark chocolate variety. This is a very surprising find.

Texture: Creamy and smooth. Not grainy or bitter.

Sweetness: Certainly not to be called sweet. Very potent brew.

Scraping the Bottom: 100%. This is John and Kira's quality chocolate (Consumer Reports number one rated chocolatier in the country - and we agree).

Overall Rating of 1 - 5: Diahan, 4.5. Jared, 4.5. No full "5" as it is still just chocolate.

Pineapple Coconut

Presentation: Cream colored ice cream with small pieces of pineapple and coconut scattered about.

Flavor Intensity: Have we ever mentioned we like it when alcohol is added to ice cream? Ever so much more when it is Rum. Don't let the name of this flavor fool you. It is really Piña Colada, and it is scrum-dilly-dilly-umptious. We strongly believe the secret ingredient (next to the not-so-secret RUM) is coconut milk; it adds a creamy, milky base which is perfectly accented by the slight pineapple flavor. The floating pineapple chunks are naturally sweet, if a little weak themselves.

Texture: The shredded coconut is hardly noticeable (for the coconut averse). Pineapple is firm and small.

Sweetness: Dairy, coconut and Rum provide layers of warm flavor. Not as sweet as the quantity of pineapple might lead you to believe.

Scraping the Bottom: 100%

Overall Rating of 1 - 5: Diahan. 4.5. Jared, 4

Mango

Presentation: Yellow ice cream with ginormous chunks of mango.

Flavor Intensity: The mango flavor is usually very difficult for confectioners to get right - usually hollow and overly sweet. Haagen-Dazs clearly needed to boost the mango flavor (which they did very well) given the addition of orange and lemon juice concentrate. The result is an amazingly natural flavor. The problem is . . . well, it's still nothing special. Mango is an exotic flavor - but we find it too ordinary. The chunks o' mango are distracting and quite bland, reinforcing how difficult it is to get even the real fruit to taste like a fresh mango should. Or perhaps we have no idea what a mango should taste like and are taken by the idea of the mango?

Texture: Frozen mango does no favors to flavor.

Sweetness: Far too sweet.

Scraping the Bottom: 0 - 20%. The kids will love it, though.

Overall Rating of 1 - 5: Diahan, 2. Jared, 2